2 days ago
Hope*
Saturday, February 23, 2008
"Hope, dangles on a string,
Like slow spinning redemption"
- from "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional
Read this slowly, and you may connect...
Hope... such a beautiful thing, yet not without it's own terrible consequences...
Hope, so strong and so powerful... Good and bad...
How am I ever expected to deal with such a thing as hope? To guard myself against false hope is the safest thing to do, and with that hope loses all meaning. Nobody can ever live without hope... Living without hope nullifies the meaning, and the very essence of existence. Hope is like an aspiration, something to look up to... Nobody can stay without a goal for very long... Short term or long term, everybody needs something to look up to, look forward to...
"So much, for all the promises you made, they served you well,
and now you're gone, and they're wasted on me"
- from "Rapid Hope Loss" by Dashboard Confessional
How am I ever expected to deal with things such as hope or trust or belief or love? How does one guard themselves against them? How the hell am I ever supposed to isolate myself from anger and pain and disappointment?
"I'm waiting for blood, to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm,
Ignoring the phone, I'd rather say nothing,
I'd rather you'd never heard my voice"
- From "The Best Deceptions" by Dashboard Confessional
It's so amazing how hopes and dreams can keep you so buoyant and make sure that you stay on top of the world for such a long time... and it's equally amazing (yet disastrously so) how hopes and dreams awry can get you into one hell of a fucked up place in your life double time... I'm here... In this fucked up place right now... It's not the end of the world, but it certainly doesn't feel like a fucking joyride either... Life will go on, I guess I'll have to go on with it... Disappointment and Experience are two of the harshest teachers on your average journey in life, so make sure you learn a hell of a lot from them before time washes them away again...
"You've been asking me to bleed,
It seems these kinds of questions,
They come too easy to you now..."
- From "The Sharp Hint..." by Dashboard Confessional
I guess I can't ever lose trust, and I sure as hell am never going to lose my humanity... Humanity encompassing everything from basic belief to deep love. How the hell could you ever think breaking trust in someone, someone who's so fucking close to you was not a big deal... Why has trust lost so much of it's fucking value? Was I not fucking enough? Was breaking my heart twice not enough?
"Well as for now, I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
Sit alone and wonder,
How you're making out,
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere,
With Anyone,
Making out..."
- From "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessional
I'm learning to keep the pain away, stored tight and locked away in a dark part of my soul... I've learned to numb it till I can talk about in ways such as this, indirect and prosaic... Until it bursts at the seams, and I can't help that... Bur these memories are killing me... memories good and memories bad... I wish I was talking to somebody now... I need to be talking to somebody... I need to talk to somebody who gives a shit... I need to stop staring at this fucking computer screen long enough to begin appreciating the darkness outside... Why appreciate that darkness? because it's so much lighter than what's going on inside of me... I need to stop moping about, stop listening to Dashboard and start getting my life in order... But I won't... It's so much fucking easier to just pity myself... I would get drunk, but I don't drink, so that brilliant idea is shot to hell... I think I'll just sit on the cold floor, stare out onto the street illuminated by a single street lamp, fold my arms and ponder my fucking question - 'Was I not fucking enough for her?'.
And you know what the worst bit is? She's going to read this, and I don't give a fuck... what a contrast to the other post...
"Wandering the house________________________________________________________________
Like I've never wanted out
And this is about
As social as I get now.
And I'm throwing away
The letters that I am writing you
'cause they would never do,
I would never do."
- from "Saints and Sailors" by Dashboard Confessional
* Some of you might have noticed that I removed this post a couple of days ago... I guess it's all past me now, and I just wanted to put it back for some reason... Closure maybe...
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Hmm...dashboard. I knew all those songs you posted and play almost all of them. playing dashboard for girls is a great way to swoon them
jeff, you suck...no seriously.... after all that heartache to make a comment like "playing dashboard for girls is a great way to swoon them", well, it's just...no, you're a guy...i get it now...
At least, I had the guts to actually post my name on here, mr or ms. anonymous.
Sorry, brat. I wasn't bagging on you like this anonymous thinks. I had heartache before and the only way to get over it is to get other girls. so learn a few chords and play some dahsboard for chicks
when your hurt you end up doin things... things to let the frustration out... things to get back at the one that hurt you... things to just make you feel better... things you think put you in a better place...
but then you wake up one day and all that fuckin anger's gone and there is jus that empty space in you... and you realise that you still love her...that she used to occupy that space...
i jus hope you wake up early enough to realise what you really want:)
p.s: trust me on the anger bit... ive bin there:)
this is lovely, and thank you for your appreciation of my sonnet. but may i ask who this is and how you came across my blog?
=) hope is what we all thrive on.
no matter how fuckd up the situation is.its what the world goes around on.
that coming from a cynical bastard like me!! heheh
@ second anonymous... thank you.. whoever you are.. you opened my eyes...
@jeff... it's all cool jeff, although i can't agree with what you've said... i dunno... it's either this girl or no girl...
People shouldn't live without hope. Hope is the glimmering feeling that something might get better. I don't care if I get let down its worth it if I see the glimmer once in a while.
xx
Hello,
Sorry it's been so long, I hope you remember me.
I also hope you aren't too hurt about whatever happened, just remember that happiness comes from within you, not from anybody or anything else. Nobody has the power to make you feel miseable but you. But maybe you need to feel that way for a while.
I get what you mean about hope, god knows I need as much of it as I can get right now.
S x
man i wanted to be an ass and say there is no hope, there is no hope for mankind but you brat you sir are going somewhere, fast, are you broken up with this women, thats ok at least shes not pregnant, man all you need to do is get some new loving, and then you'll be more hopeful until you realize that there is goanna be a third world war, because of some asshole leader out there whose old lady broke up with him so he wants to drop the bomb, watch you'll see
ohhhh, i love hitting the "next blog" button! :) i'm so glad you found me, so keep reading.