Leggo my Lego!

Okay, so that title is a bit old...

So is Lego. And old things are sometimes the best. It's just been there all these years, serving to give expression to the imaginations of everyone from 5 to about a 100 years old. I don't know anything about Lego apart from the fact that it is plastic, it is sometimes decorated (although my first Lego wasn't, I was left to decorate it with a black marker) and if you have any talent, you can create projects that would put the Petronas Towers to shame.

I remember my first ever Lego set. Sadly it never gave me the "just out of the box" feeling that is the reason most companies make so much money off parents of little children. There is no way I will ever allow any future children or grandchildren to waste their time with the all new "Shrek Magical (erm... shiny) Card and Button set". How can anyone not see that that is an utter waste of time?


So anyway, my first Lego set... It was supposed to be some sort of a helicopter and its base set. I'm still a little confused as to what happened to the cockpit. It was my brother's and he had it before I was born (I THINK... I might have just been at that age where little babies are fascinated by little things that can fit down their oesophagus without hindrance). We (Me and my brother) used to convert the floor of my room into a city by drawing chalk lines (which I had to clean up most of the time) across the floor to mark out the roads, junctions, pavements and an air base (I dunno if you get what I'm talking about, an airbase in India is usually a complete complex, with it's own shops, houses, economy, association, runway, hangars and airplanes). Then there'd be the building the walls and gates with Lego. I botched up the gate decoration everytime with things like, "Do Not Enter, You Will be SHOT"... But anyway, that's a different story. I would have put a picture, but the Lego is locked away in a box. Yes, I plan on keeping it forever.

Then there'd be the toy cars that would always be responding to some emergency call or the other. We didn't have any terrorists back then (Well, okay, I didn't know about them), so the only people who could attack us was the Cobra team. Sadly I didn't get my Skystriker until a few years later, and then it was too late. Hot wheels was a luxury in those days, actually anything Mattel was a luxury. So even though I never had one complete set of toys, and the gate to the airbase was a stick compared to the car, I couldn't have asked for a happier childhood. I wish children now could discover some of the things that I discovered and actually imagine instead of waiting for a Nintendo Wii to imagine it for them. Entire worlds can be created and destroyed at will.

Ah, the good old days... I hate growing up...

Crap... I really should be working on "meeting my deadline"... Funny the learning center lady hasn't logged me off the network yet... If you're reading this... you're the most awesome learning center lady ever... :)

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Lift Me Up

It seems so miraculous that the world is still here... Not the revolving and rotating bit (well, maybe that too), but that it still works, the formula, for most part.

I open up my RSS news feed... Violence, politics, lying and cheating. Oh, and sports... Right.. Who cares? Apart from sports, most of what I can see is some sort of crisis.

The darker side of Today's Headlines (BBC):

  • Dozens die in Kenyan riots
  • Guyana shooting rampage kills 11
  • Seven killed in Beirut Violence
  • Trader 'staked 50bn euros'
  • Pakistan 'seizes back key tunnel'
  • UK tycoon 'arrested in Zimbabwe'
And the list goes on...

When does it stop? This does not include what happened yesterday at the Egyptian border... It does not include the heartless murder of Benazir Bhutto (no opinions please... I really don't care)... It does not include the ongoing trial of a man who killed four prostitutes in London...

When did we become so tolerant of it all? When did we learn to start expecting less stories of wonder and more of gore from almost everywhere. Okay, so the media is sensational, but they can only be so sensational... When did we start looking upon terrorism as an everyday activity? Why are our souls so hardened that we do not flinch nor do we utter sympathy at what we see around us... EVERYDAY... Even the cinema seems quite suggestive... "I am Legend" (Kindly ignore the fact that Hollywood seems to have a thing for terrible grammar), "Cloverfield"... Hip hop... what're they 'singing' about? "Shooting this, hitting that... 'bitches, hoes'... big screen TVs and 'bling'..."

Maybe it's just me but I have a feeling of an impending doom... like the calm before a storm... The air is just crackling with the excitement of disaster... Everything is so energised... Everything is going so fast, gathering velocity and all we do is stand helpless... The curtains seems ready to fall...

People is where it all begins... There is a change upon us.... Not a good one... Everything around is so disintegrated and disorganised... so full of something... something that has to be love, but is far from it... This divide is not just between people with differences... It is between everybody... Religion is not going to save you... It hasn't saved anything in a very long time, and is proving to divide rather than teaching humanity and kindness...

I must sound like a preacher but that is most certainly not what I am doing. Our hearts are closed, and slowly our minds are following suit... I hate to think of the future of "Us"... Human beings... So smart, so intelligent... Yet so utterly stupid... We are humans but we are lacking so much of what makes us that... We are lacking humanity... We need a return to innocence... We need salvation... but we're looking in the wrong place...

I'm sorry... there is just so much about this running through me that I've lost some of what I originally wrote this to say... But you're smart... Let your thoughts go... Open your eyes... Open your hearts out to the world... while it's safe to do so...


'What will you find behind the door that is One Door Away From Heaven?' - From The Book

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The book was excellent... I won't say anything more, because saying anything more is giving it away, and I should let you get through it alone... Pick one up... but please don't read a review before you read the book... "One Door Away From Heaven" - Dean Koontz... As for the writer... I'm pretty much hooked onto everything he writes... I've read five of his books in a month and a half...

@ Noelia - The book is completely different.. So I can't say if it's better or worse than Life Expectancy... but if you like that, then I'm very sure you'll like this... It's thought provoking and exciting... Lots of twists and dozens of ideas... One thing's for certain thought... he has an amazing sense of humor...

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Bioethicism = Satanism

I've been reading this Dean Koontz book, titled "One Door Away From Heaven". It's quite a good book so far, not one of my favorites, but still... I'll let you know how that goes...

Anyway, so one of the characters, and a few of the other minor roles are "Bioethicists"... Bioethicism is quite simply the philosophy that if someone is weak (i.e. above the age of 60, disabled, or chronically ill), they should be killed to make place on the earth for healthier people. Outrageous? Not really according to major universities offering a degree in bioethics. It's funny they should call it 'bioethics'... I don't see what can ever be remotely ethical about such a philosophy.

It's actually quite surprising to see that this new science is progressing at all. Makes me wonder about the kind of people we have become. Hitler was probably a visionary by the standards of these people. You really can't believe this can you?

Copy of Washington Times Report

Extract from 'One Door Away From Heaven' - Dean Koontz (ISBN 0-7472-6681-6)

"Incredulous, Micky read that nearly all bioethicists believed disabled infants, even those mildly disabled, should be neglected until they died. If the babies developed an infection, they should not be treated. If they developed temporary respiratory problems, breathing should not be assisted; they should suffocate."


Extract from 'Practical Ethics' - Peter Singer (ISBN 13-978-0521439718)

"When the death of a disabled infant will lead to the birth of another infant with better prospects of a happy life, the total amount of happiness will be greater if the disabled infant is killed. The loss of the happy life for the first infant is outweighed by the gain of a happier life for the second. Therefore, if the killing of the hemophiliac infant has no adverse effect on others it would be... right to kill him"


Is this what the world has come to? This guy talks of people like they're machines. He talks about happiness, as a bloody quantity. Look at that... "amount of happiness"... Why doesn't someone just kill him, he's obviously depressing a lot of people.

What we're talking here is the bloody euthanisation of human beings. The only reason animals are euthanised is when they're in constant pain that cannot be cured. I would love to be euthanised if I was in constant pain and I wasn't able to do anything else with my life, but that doesn't mean everyone thinks the same way. Moreover, nobody is expendable... nobody can be sacrificed and especially not because they fall ill.

Not all bioethics is involved with this "moral" science of killing people. But most bioethicists support 'positive suicide counselling'. Incredibly, this means that if you were feeling just a bit suicidal, people like Peter Singer would have you go to a suicide camp, where somebody would give you a million reasons to kill yourself. Yes, assisted suicide. This horseshit is a danger to not only the disabled, but also everyone who lives and breathes, because what are the chances you won't fall ill? Would you really want to live your life in fear of the ethics committee of a hospital "offing" you because this was your second visit in a month? I sure as hell wouldn't. Whatever happened to being a doctor for the sake of saving lives? Whatever happened to attempting to treat every single person who came through your door and not giving a shit what anyone told you?

If this goes much further, I feel an apocalypse coming on... And also something along the lines of "illegal doctoring"... Treating patients becomes illegal... Think of the consequences. In a million years, have we progressed nothing more than a few steps backward to heartless mindless murder? Have we come to look at each other as bits of flesh and bone and nothing else?

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Packing

Hello... Sorry I haven't been around for a bit... I've been busy with some stuff... but most of the time I'm telling myself that I'm too tired to do anything, sitting in front of the computer or TV and whiling my time away.

And I've been packing... I can't wait to move... We've renting a new place about 3 miles away from here, and I can't wait because of this house... it's landlord... and lots of other things... Have you ever felt like, I dunno, the house you're living in currently will never be "home"? Well, that's only gonna happen to you if you move around a hell of a lot and you actually do develop tastes in houses. Tastes in houses... I must be incredibly rich to have developed a taste in houses... Well my room is almost done... and I've still got a week and a half to go... Packing usually evokes strong memories in me... But now I've got nothing to stuff away into my shoebox, no memories in this house to cherish... blah...

So, the new house is just amazing... It's got everything I ever wanted... and then it has a full length window in my room... It's a little out of the way, I guess, but hell, I'd trade comfort for connection any day.

And I've been listening to a lot of music, and Simone White is really good. You might remember her from the Audi R8 Advertisement. But she's got some really good tunes... they're all easy going and sort of, fit, but not exactly.. you'd have to listen to see... ... I recommend "American War"...

Why does everyone have a word verification thing before I can leave a comment? I don't and I'm still not getting spammed... I saved you two seconds of your life and questions about the reliability of your eyesight... Start a revolution...

I wish they'd come out with the new Heroes...

I'm hungry...

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No one...

No one understands... life comes to a standstill... i'm starting to lose it... i'm pretending on the outside and putting on a big smile... I lie to people who ask me how I'm doing.... "You sound down... What happened?"... "Nothing... this is how I usually sound... it's my cool depressed person voice"...

But inside it's all a big fucking lie... I hate myself... i don't even know what's wrong with me... and life has stopped... it's just stopped... I don't know why I bother living... No, this isn't suicidal... and this isn't extreme depression... I'm happy... life isn't that bad... I have everything i need... which is why I can still pretend.... My life is filled with too many goddamn maybes... there's a shadow over my face and over my mind... I know this because I don't feel like doing much anymore... I don't even feel like writing.. and I always feel like writing... No one gets it... Because I don't get it.. and it's worse when they assume that they get it... I'm so fucked in the head... But no... i'm not... I'm happy... I've got everything I need in my life... I still feel like banging my head against the wall till i start bleeding or die... What's the point in living... have you ever pondered that? the point of living? you should... the entire world is a farce... pretense is widespread... i spread this message of the world being crappy so make me a fucking messiah... fuck political correctness.... fuck being proper... fuck being strong when i don't feel strong and i feel so fucking weak... fuck sympathy... i don't want your pity... i just want somebody to hear me out... but i'm never going to tell you my problem.. i'd be so fucking happy if i ever figured out what it was...

No one understands... No one bothers... I'm today's problem... maybe i'll be tomorrow's problem... but not after that.... ignorance has an effect... it's called repression... and repression serves a lot of purposes... become completely independent, completely boxing in your feelings and you'll be an enigma... you'll be the strongest person in the world... but then you'll be the weakest... So i'm still gonna lie... I'm still gonna say, "Hey, I am A-OK.... " and i don't ever want anyone to question that... Independence is good... It helps.. really... and life will go on... people will forget... the earth will revolve.. i'll get older... i'll forget... and there are six other people saying the exact same thing... it has to be true right...

No one ever cares... I don't care either... About them... "Them" caring is probably just going to piss me off... I'm not a chicken soup for the soul story waiting to happen... because I don't have any problems... Not tomorrow... everything will be fine tomorrow...

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Free writing... Whatever came to my mind... Ah... feels good... I don't care if you don't like it...

Oh, and if you know me, and you've read this... I don't wanna talk about it... I don't want your sympathy... I'm not a misunderstood little kid...

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The People in the Signs

Before I apply for a driver's license theory test, I have to spend endless hours looking at a computer screen and answering random questions about the road and it's rules. This involves some staring at those road signs telling me of cyclists, pedestrians, trams, buses and whatnot.

These signs are actually quite interesting (yes, that's how bored I get these days), because I love extracting stories and stuff from them. I do this particularly from the road signs depicting people, and the "elderly people" sign always evokes something in me... Don't ask me why.

The UK elderly people sign that is... Everytime I see it somewhere, it I see some weird sort of shadow person on white background love, because I can see two old people bent with age, holding hands (HOLDING HANDS), and struggling to walk while the man bravely leads his woman on in front of her with a stick. I think, 'Well, he must be a very caring husband, and she the perfect doting wife to him. Just look at the way they stick to each other even after their backs are bent with struggle and age.'


Another sign is the pedestrians sign (no, not the pedestrian crossing sign). The sign makes me think of strong father figure who cares about his little girl and would do anything to protect her from the world and, well, what with so much crap in the world that's hard to see sometimes.

Okay, so there was no real point to this and I now look crazy, but does anybody else ever notice these things?

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Write? Me?

It's no secret, I have no illusions... I don't think of myself as a writer, and I don't believe that any material (should I decide against shredding as soon as writing) will ever make a difference to a single mind, let alone the world. I don't think of myself as this enigma, or as a genius. That's just not me and I know what I can be good at, and what I'm terrible at. I think I'm positively great at computers, up to a certain level, and trust me, I am not boasting. It's this confidence that I have around them. I love this confidence, but say 'writer' and it's been taken too far.

Maybe dreamer...

Let me explain... When I am writing, anything for that matter, be it my latest pathetic attempt at the crime of the century (starring, as always, Mike Anderson - since bloody 12 years old), my latest 'romance novel' for luv (i think i might need a good pseudonym), or even my latest blog... I don't write to impress, and I don't write to serve any particular purpose. I write what I think, and I write what I feel. I can never ever have more than a small fraction of the world near anything I write not only because I'm terrified of being criticised, but also because it was quite simply never meant for that.

I don't ever want to be rich and famous... All I'm doing is sharing a little bit of space in my head with a few other people who do the same thing... Sure, there was a time when I aspired to be a journalist... and as exciting as that prospect was, I'm not your average risk taker... I believe in calculated risks, yes where Benefit > Cost, and thus a mathematical certainty. I write to please myself, and when I write, a whole world of possibility is thrown open... I can live a life in my writings that is not mine, and still not be jailed for it... Writing is what I do when too many thoughts run through my mind, or when too many emotions run through my heart... Writing takes me places that I have only dreamed of... Writing is the one place I become a dreamer, for neither you, nor I can be a dreamer all their lives... I could never be bothered with the pressure or the reality of real writing...

So in the end, what could I be called? A writer? A title that I could never be worthy of, moreover, a censure on my spirit I would not be able to handle. A blogger? Now that sounds brilliant... :)

Who are you?

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Woman

This is just something that I think about from time to time, but how many times a day do you stop and think about the women around you? You see them, walking down the street, prettying themselves up, looking absolutely fabulous... you see them at home, wearing the grayest clothes and with morning hair, looking more fabulous... The world might cease to exist if it wasn't for them...

I can't help but think that women must be among the most divine creatures on earth. I'm not just referring to one specific woman, and I'm not just referring to women who play specific roles in our lives... I'll admit that this has been inspired by the love of my life... but it's also every other woman who ever lived... it's not just about that one woman in your life... It's about every single woman you come across or every single woman who makes your life a wee bit brighter every day.

To all the women out there, I bow to you, because I dare not imagine where the world would be without you... You're the ones we turn to when we're so lost in life, and it's your phenomenal energy that lifts us clear of our misery and pain. You're the ones who inspire us, you're the ones who push us along the way when we're down and out... You're the ones that shine your light into the world and make it a hell of a lot better to live in. You make us what we are... You're the yardstick by which we measure ourselves... Nothing means more to us than the never ending support that you extend... nothing feels better than the tightness of your hug, the warmth of your kiss and the "shh..." when the world has screwed us over so badly that we are reduced to tears...

To women, just take a look at yourself in the mirror... and let yourself know that you're of the highest order in the universe, and you are cherished above all else... Why? Because of the way you care... as a sister, as a friend, as a lover and as a mother... The way you hold that special place in the lives of men around you... the way you're so tough when you need to be, and so incredibly soft and delicate when you need to be, and the way you just know... The way you're so special to us, and the way you hold the life of earth in your hands... the way you can light up the world with your smile and the way you're just so charming... You are the embodiment of life... Mother Nature, is after all, the most beautiful thing in the world, and the eternal woman...

To men, you might be with a woman right now, or you might see her a bit later... Just don't forget to let her know how special she is... Be it your mum, sis, friend, wife or girlfriend... You wouldn't be half of what you are without her... You don't have to tell her how amazing she is.. Hold her a little longer and a little tighter than you did yesterday, and she'll know...

:)


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