Pain. Guilt. Doubt.

I've started wondering whether I really have an identity anymore. When your heart is aching, such a strong ache, how do you go about your life if you don't mould another face for yourself and fix it. Forgive me if this post is a little more expressive than most, but it feels like bottling everything up inside of me isn't working out so well anymore. I've never been one to wear my heart on my shoulder, not unless I've known you for five years... And it works just fine that way, except that maybe I've grown and something's changed. Or maybe I'm still the same and I had to have something life-altering and have it taken away before I felt this way.

Think of the biggest mistake you've made, and think to yourself, did you make this mistake because the mistake was a part of you? How do you know you're strong enough to pull yourself out of the pain that follows? Or the guilt, or the doubt. It's always doubt, isn't it? What do you do when you doubt yourself, and yourself is the person you've known for the entirety of your life. I don't doubt myself, I think my identity is the only thing I'll have if I lose everything else, no matter how precious that everything is. Maybe it's disbelief that I need to be strong enough to rise above this...

This is becoming a drag, so I'll leave you with this;

If you destroy trust, can you trust your heart to hope?

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Leaving my heart behind is a lot worse than coming home to it. I knew where I was going, and when I was leaving. It's still hard.

It's been close to one year since my last post, I'll be back to Blogger in two weeks. Thanks for sticking around! (cricket...)

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